You'll never look at chocolate the same way again

In case there were ever a thought as to where the "crazy gene" comes from in my family, let me tell you a little story.

The kids and I were doing some grocery shopping today. We happened to be at Walmart. I don't shop there often anymore, but I needed some non-grocery items. Anyway, that has not much of a thing to do with the rest of the story.

Rounding the aisle that holds the Hershey's chocolate syrup I ran into my dad. The kids all shouted "Grandpa!" and began telling him about every item that was placed into our cart. Joseph might have sang part of a song he learned in school. There was a lot of commotion. It's not every day we run into Grandpa at the store. :)

My dad: (holding a bottle of magic shell) "Hey, I'm glad I ran into you. Listen, um, what kind of chocolate would you use if you wanted to dip something in it and have the chocolate get hard?"

Me: "Well it depends what you want to dip. What you have in your hands is for ice cream. It has to be on something cold"

My dad: "Oh that won't work then"

Me: "What is it you want to dip?"

My dad: (with a mischievous look he surely learned from Nehemiah) "Um, well, bacon. But listen! We were watching this tv show and everyone loved it".... blah blah blah... excuses excuses excuses.



Me: After I fought the urge to throw up, I let him know that 1) That is NASTY and 2) melted chocolate chips should do the job.

We quickly parted ways after that.

The story however does not end here. For this evening I was talking to my mother. I wanted to make sure she knew what my father's intentions were with this chocolate and bacon. I was thinking she should have poison control's 800 number handy.

My mom: "Yeah I know. I saw the show. I thought it sounded a little weird at first but everyone on the show loved it! And it did look really pretty when it was all done."

Me: "I'm sure grasshoppers look good covered in chocolate too, but some things were just not meant to be"

I'm not sure if she plans on being present during the chocolate covered bacon feast but she apparently isn't bothered that the concoction is taking place in her kitchen.

My brother (15) is, I'm pretty sure, on cloud 9 about the whole idea. For a few years he lived off of bacon alone. Ok, maybe there was some mayo involved, but mostly bacon. My parents microwave holds the smell to prove it.

It all kinda reminds me of the one Friends episode where Rachel decided she's going to cook Thanksgiving dessert, by herself, from scratch! (Did you see that one?) She mixed two recipes together by accident and came up with a sheperds pie trifle. As everyone else was gagging on the combo Joey was like "whats not to like? Custard? Good. Jam ? Good. Meat? Gooood ."


So I suppose, looking at my parents, I had no chance to survive the crazy gene. It was passed down in full force.

Lord, help my children.