It's been 8 months since I found out a close high school friend of mine commit murder. Very few days have passed where I have not thought about it.
I decided it was time to do something, so I wrote a letter. I looked up all of the information on-line. It shook me a little to see their name with a cell block number next to it. I am always thinking that I should be able to wake up from this horrible dream. Seeing the name there on the prison's web site only further confirmed that this was certainly not a dream. Google searches turned up a few articles I hadn't read yet... along with some comments from local readers who had their 2 cents to throw in about the murderer. It made me nauseous to read the comments, but I couldn't stop myself. "They don't even know the person! How can they say that?!" My heart was defending a murderer.
So I wrote a letter to an old friend that resides in cell block C. It took awhile. I prayed that God would guide my pen and help me to say the right words. I really wanted it to be just right.
My thoughts lead to the accounts of the day (as described by local papers). My heart is so heavy, as it's been since I heard about it that first time. I must say that my view of a murderer has changed drastically. I've gone from being disgusted by them (not their actions, because no matter how you look at it the actions are disgusting, but by them) to having compassion and a deep sadness. I can only imagine our Father's heart that day. The day one of his children was murdered. Weather they knew Him or not, they were His. Was he angry? Was he screaming and shaking the Heavens in anger as guns are fired and knives are turned to weapons? Or is he weeping. Crying out to his children "No! Don't you see it? I left you an out. There is another choice. There is always another choice. The door is open, get out! What you really want is me. I will fill that void in your life." and through tears of sadness and great loss God witnesses a horrific act.
The devil won.
But the victory isn't all his. God's heart is bigger than anything the devil can throw at him. And he offers this thing called forgiveness. I've seen the effects of prisoners who's hearts have been surrendered to the Lord. I've seen the changes that they have made in the maximum security homes (cells) that they live in. I've seen men, with hearts harder than rocks turn soft in the presence of our Lord. He can change lives. That life might be spent behind bars here on earth, but will know the warmth of Jesus' embrace for eternity.
And now I sit, praying. Praying that Jesus would show up in cell block C and prove himself real to my high school friend. Praying that a hard heart would turn soft and words of repentance would be spoken.
Matthew 9:13 For I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.
July 23, 2008
A letter to a murderer
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2 comments:
Valerie,
I myself am a product of a bad boy turned good. My father, in his teens and early adulthood, was..... well he was a criminal. Many things he got away with, others were misdemeaners and he got off easy. But he once described to me the day he found himself standing before a judge, facing some serious charges and a possible lengthy sentence. He says, "I saw the light at that moment" and he knew that it was time to get his life together, or go down the path of the inmate.
It was a turning point for him, and in that moment he chose to turn his life around. He stopped trying to defend himself to the judge. He stated that he was guilty, and explained to the judge all the reasons why what he did was wrong. That he hadn't cared at the time how his actions affected other people. But now honestly felt differently.
The judge must have recognized the change in my father for what it was, a miracle. The judge gave him the lightest sentence possible, which included no jail time. But also gave him the warning that if he ever saw him in the courtroom again, he'd nail my father for everything he could and to the highest extent he could.
My father walked out of the courtroom that day a changed man. Never again did he visit a courtroom, nor were any charges ever brought up against him again. Now, my father was never a particularly religious man. But, he knew where "the light" had come from that day. It was a matter of him being ready to listen.
If he had never gotten his life together, my mother never would have dated him, much less married him. Therefore, I never would have been born if a "bad" man could not turn "good". But, the person has to be ready to accept the light, or message, or advice, etc. for it to work.
Onzelle
Onzelle,
Wow! That is awesome. I truly love hearing stories like that. Even before this whole thing happened I always loved me a good bad gone good story.
And as for my letter... I'm not sure what I was expecting to come of it. I mean, I didn't expect it to be read and for the person to "see the light" and all is well with the soul. Of course that would be amazing! but that wasn't my goal. If a seed is planted thats great. If it is read and eyes are rolled and it is thrown in the trash, so be it. I think it was something that I needed to do just as much as it was something that they should read.
Anyway...
thanks for your story. I really enjoyed that. I am definitely glad you are around!
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