Parenting With A Twist

I've decided to write a book. I think I'll call it "Raising Godly children: with duct tape and a sharpie"

or something like that.

Here's a preview of some topics that will be covered in the book.

Chapter One: The Sharpie, every mother should have one.
We were with some friends, having a good time. Joseph was attempting to give me a puppy kiss. (aka, lick my arm) I had no desire to be licked. I asked him not to. He wasn't listening. So, I threatened. "If you lick me I'm going to give you a mustache" He ran away. I was pleased.
A mother was sitting next to me whose children are younger than mine. Her jaw was kinda on the floor. "A mustache?" she said. "Yes" I replied. "It works. If he isn't listening I threaten to draw a mustache on his face with a sharpie (permanent marker) while he's sleeping" Her expression slowly softened as she realized my genius mothering skills. "I'll have to remember that" she said.

Oh, I have more where that came from my friend. I have more.

Chapter 2: God used nails, I use duct tape
Hannah has taken quite the liking to undressing lately. Down to the bare bottom. She can take everything off. By herself. Though I am strongly FOR her using the potty, I am strongly AGAINST poop on my living room carpet. After a few long weeks of tackling the girl every ten minutes to re-diaper we decided that duct tape, it's our friend. Really. It fixes everything. I am pleased to announce that she does not know how to take the duct tape off. My floor has not been peed on all day.

Chapter 3: A healthy fear of the public school system
Homeschooling. That will surely have a chapter in my book. When Joseph doesn't want to pay attention. When he wants to crawl under the table and play with the fallen cereal from breakfast instead of doing phonics drills I say "do you want to go to public school?" It's sure to get a quick response. I suddenly have an obedient eager to learn student on my hands.


Oh, but don't let all of that fool you. We are a God loving family. We pray together. We sing "Bible" songs. We even act out various Bible stories. David and Goliath is a favorite.
(I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that someone gets hit in the head and falls to his death.)

Ah yes, my book would be sure to stand out on the bookshelf. My parenting style is, well, unique. My children seem to be happy, healthy, and thriving. Joseph has asked Jesus to be in his life, and speaks to Him regularly. So even in my "unique-ness" there must be something that we are doing right.

And if you want the book, I'll let you know when I find a publisher. ;)